Will You Ever Notice Me?

Don't know what to blog

2010-09-29T21:03:00.001+08:00

I have no idea what to blog ! LOL!

PMR is coming nearer and nearer. I should have studied instead of sitting in front of the computer! >.<

Hard !

2010-07-10T20:24:00.003+08:00

Forget you, it's extremely hard to me. I don't know how am I going to forget you. But I will not bother you, because you're nothing to me. You're even mean to me, so what for to bother you. As you said, we can be friends. But I don't think so. Fineeee, I don't mind anymore. I just hope I'll be fine after all. =] It's extremely painful. But I will try to overcome it.

Aiks ! Why there are so many things happen in my life? friendship and love. Why can't it just disappear in my life? Okay, fine. Friendship, I will not care anymore. Love, I will not be in the relationship. I'm single and unavailable...: ) What I've done for you, I'm sorry. ! My bad, my fault too.

2010-03-29T20:20:00.002+08:00

What is the use I sad? I'm sad because of anything, any problems. I don't want to solve any problems from now on and what's the use I trust so many people and what I get? Nothing but, I get sadness and hurt from everyone. :'( I don't want to trust you but, I'm so stupid and believe you all. It's my problem, not yours. Who can I believe? I'm really sad but, I don't know what to do. Whatever, I don't want to life anymore and I fed up with it. I don't want to blog already.

What a life and friendship is.

2010-03-27T16:52:00.002+08:00

You all don't need to bother whether did I talk bad words behind you all. I will never ever talk bad words behind you all. It's just waste my energy to talk it. And what's the use I want to talk so, don't need to bother about it.
Why do you all want to make problems with me?
Can't you all just don't think about and having quarrel between friends?
Did you all cherish friendship?
Do you all know what friendship mean?
I don't want to bother about it anymore, it's just waste my time and energy. Go away, I don't want to know what you all want to do to me. This is my life not yours, if you all hate me, just go away and don't think I will hate you. That's all, don't ask me anymore.

Time goes quickly, I'm going to take PMR and PET this year. I feel so nervous about it. I want to transfer school after PMR and get my results. Results are my everything now, I will work hard in order to get good grades in my PMR and PET. I want success, I don't want to be failure.

My mood is kinda sad and down. I should stop here to not let my tears drop. =D

Feel hurt

2010-03-20T12:46:00.003+08:00

Currently listening to 发如雪 by 周杰伦

狼牙月伊人憔悴我举杯饮尽了风雪
是谁打翻前世柜惹尘埃是非
缘字诀几番轮回你锁眉哭红颜唤不回
纵然青史已经成灰我爱不灭
繁华如三千东流水
我只取一瓢爱了解只恋你化身的蝶
你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美
你发如雪纷飞了眼泪我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉微醺的岁月我用无悔刻永世爱你的碑
你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美你发如雪纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁红尘醉微醺的岁月
啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦
铜镜映无邪扎马尾你若撒野今生我把酒奉陪

I don't even understand how I feel, how am I going to understand other people's feelings? I don't feel I'm fine enough, I feel like I'm hurt again. What am I suppose to do? My mood is so down right now. I'm really feel hurt and want to cry out loud. I don't know what can I do, I just know I want to scream as loud as I can. I want my best friends by my side right now. What can I do, they are far away from me and I can't get to see them for so many years. T.T I really don't have any idea to know what can I do.=((

Second, what a sister I have. She doesn't have any manners to everyone, she just like to be as what as she likes. I hate it, I will never admit I have a sister like you. I fed up with your things, I will never care it and bother about it anymore. What I care for her now, is nothing! NOTHING!

Can't Make Sure What My Mood Is!

2010-03-19T00:02:00.005+08:00

Currently listening to 寂寞，好了 by 蔡旻佑

拼命的奢望悶壞的胸口讓我想大聲的吶喊
我努力不放你冷淡你讓分手就這樣
我連做夢也感覺受傷

一年過了還是一天計算著慌張
計程車上的音響我們最愛的情歌
這一刻卻重重擊破思念的心臟

夜深了我怎麼辦寂寞了誰在身旁
心情變得好復雜想她念她恨她
一個人你害怕嗎細數過漫天星光
說好永遠不分開多假多假多假
讓記憶長出翅膀飛翔
心放空了寂寞好了

堅強外表下我脆弱情人節開始失常
別人慶祝我卻很失落
秋天過了冬天漫長
關於愛感傷
我們天真的勇敢我們追求的夢想
捨不得也只能收藏旅行的時光

夜深了我怎麼辦寂寞了誰在身旁
心情變得好復雜想她念她恨她
一個人你害怕嗎細數過漫天星光
說好永遠不分開多假多假多假
讓記憶長出翅膀飛翔
心放空了寂寞好了

寂寞感冒全都可以好的
愛多甜傷多痛都釋放 oh~

夜深了我怎麼辦寂寞了誰在身旁
心情變得好復雜想她念她恨她
一個人你害怕嗎細數過漫天星光
說好永遠不分開多假多假多假
讓記憶長出翅膀飛翔
沒有你心放空了寂寞好了

I'm happy but I'm sad also today. Happy because I feel I never lost you, and I get another best friends. I never think that you'll be my best friends but now, (XM) you're my best friends. It won't have any changes even though we have quarrel or what. I'm sad because one of my best friend is going to leave me soon. I'm so sad about it when I heard she told me. I don't want you to leave me. I will miss you always, you're one of the best friend I have ever known. I'm regret about something but, I can sure that the thing won't repeat again in my life. But, some people will still repeat it in my life. I can't do anything to them. I really don't want you to leave me, I'm sad right now. I don't want any friends of mine leave me anymore, I'm tired with crying. I don't want this kind of thing happens again, it really hurts me. God, I beg you. Don't let them leave me. Besides of her, all my best friends are studying different school with me also. I can't do anything, I can't get to see them. I miss them badly, I miss them more than I can count. I miss those days we played hard and got scold together by teachers. I miss the times we always hang out, too. Where are you all now? T_T missing you badly... I MISS YOU ALL!! GET BACK TO MY SIDE!

Wtf, I have a sister who doesn't respect me at all. Nothing else I can do to her, I won't do anything anymore. She does everything herself, don't ever come and ask me. I will tell you this, 'I don't know how to do', 'I'm busying' and 'I want to sleep'.

I think I should stop now, if not I will be end up with scolding people again.

: Don't leave me, my best friends and my friends!
: I don't want to have a sister like YOU! Get lost from my life, don't keep on ruining my life.

Wrote by puzhen.

Want to Cry out Loud

2010-03-16T13:36:00.004+08:00

I'm actually happy today but when I saw that 'message', my mood started to change into moody. I even wanna cry out loud now, there's no reason for me to not cry. I had already CHEER! I'm still feel guilty to you. I'M SO SORRY! I don't want to make you to worry about a person who is so stupid. I wonder why I so hate today. What's wrong with myself? I don't understand myself. Sometimes I'm happy but, sometimes I'm not. I'm so confuse with myself. I know I'm exposing everything to my blog, but do I have a second choice to find a person to talk to? NO, I DON'T HAVE =(( I wanna go back to primary school's life, the life in primary school was the best memory that I had ever have. Nice memory! But, what did I done when I'm in secondary school? I end up with sadness and cry over the day and night. If everything can come true, I would like to ask God some question.

What a life u give me?
Have you ever pity me that I'm having the hurt life?
Who can let me really trust forever?
Who won't tell out my secrets?
Who will by my side when I'm sad?
Where do all my best friends go?
Can you help to lead in a happy life?
Can I exchange my life with other people that wanna live longer?
Can I scream out loud and tell the whole world that I'm sad now?

Whatever I said, it will never ever come true! I will never ever get any sympathy from anyone, and I can say that I don't need it even I'm sad. I will never ever believe a person easily, it may cause me get hurt from you or even cry because of you. I don't mind how will you look at me but I will still be myself, and will not cry easily anymore. Even tears drop, it's not my real problems anymore. Trying my best to smile, play hard but when I'm sad, nothing can make me ever smile again. It has already become the second me, and I'm living for the second life. I'm not playing you with my life, I'm really and I will never ever say don't want you to be my GOD SISTER! It's me, and will never change. The God will never ever help me change my life into a happy life, sadness is always following me. =(( I feel like wanna cry already.

I think I should stop here already. bye, readers.

Wrote by puzhen.

Sad =((

2010-03-15T15:18:00.010+08:00

Something happens again these days. I thought I have thought something in the right way but, the same thing was repeat again. How happy was I last night? My smiles are fake. I don't even can have a real smile which is happy to all my friends. But then, when I have a long sleep, I'm scare I can't get to see my friends again. They're best, I miss you all. Where have you all gone to? I need your comfort and cheer me. I'm Missing you. I can't wait for PMR, I want to take ALL those stupid licence and go to visit all my friends. I miss them a lot, I can't see them for nearly 3 years. And very sorry to someone. I know I have hurt you and made u sad, I'M SO SORRY! I don't know what can I do to you. I just know I can say sorry to you. *tears drop* SORRY! I sincerely apologize to you. I'M SO SORRY! I can't tell you the truth that I'm still sad about it. I'M SO SORRY! I don't wanna my friends to worry. I have enough thing to let them worry, I don't want to add more. My friends, I'm so sorry! I'm really useless, don't even know how to solve out the problems. ))= Friends, I miss you. =(( I really really wanna change school, I'm not joking anymore, I meant it. But, my parents never understand how I feel when I say I want to transfer school. It can say, I cry because of I want to transfer and my parents didn't want to let me transfer. I hope I can finish school as soon as possible and I get to go Singapore. Don't need to stay at here. =DD I'M SO SORRY TO YOU! I didn't mean to make u sad by asking the question. I know you was sad also when I asked you that question. But now, the answer has become the fact. I can't change the decision of yours. I just can accept it. *tears gonna drop non-stop* I don't dare to think the question of asking be anyone god sister. I am really afraid of it. Who ever asks, I will reject or depend on who is you. Sadness will forever with you, if you never think to forget the sad problems. 我想了又想，我真的很想放弃一切. 朋友再也不是我的一切，他们只是我生活中的一部分而已. 我很谢谢茹萍听我诉苦，真的很谢谢她！

HML! HATE MY FRIENDSHIPS

2010-01-23T16:03:00.005+08:00

IHML. Why everyone keep on scolding me and make me feel nothing else I can do. What I do is just a mistake. I feel down since my birthday until now. Even now I look happy and excited but all of you can sure that the real me is happy and feel excited. Everything is my fault, you all want to blame just blame it on me. I don't mind even though I care a lot. To the people who said I snatch their friends, I just can tell you. I never do that and I won't snatch my friends' friends forever and ever. I'll just take them as my friends but I won't close to them. 'You' make everything of what my friends did to me flash back. I cried for few days and it's just wasting my tears. When I saw 'you' and 'her', automatically my tears will drop. I was wondering why my tears drop. but I have ever try to endure to not cry but it's an useless way. Every of my friendship is going to end very fast in one week time. It makes me can't even have a breathe. I wanna take a long sleep to let myself rest. I don't want to think anything or anyone anymore. It makes me getting more and more sad. But what can I do for now. I didn't know anything what you all gonna do. IHML. What can I do? I rather take my life and exchange with the people who really cherish and enjoy their life a lot. Like the dragon boat members, if can, I really wanna exchange my life with them. They will lead a better life than me. I'm just wasting my time in my life. They still can contribute to the community. But I just can do nothing to the community. I'm trying to enjoy my life but everyone is making me sad non-stop. I keep on changing my tuition but now, I have confirmed all my tuition timetable.

I have got to go now.Bye, Miss you all. -puzhen-

Wanna Try to get rid of.

2010-01-02T15:51:00.006+08:00

I have nothing to blog this days. I gonna buy new mobile phone tonight with my own money. T.T
I'm happy to buy a new mobile phone but I'm sad because I need to buy new mobile phone with my own money. And I'm sad because I fail to forget him again. I don't know what kind of my brain is. Making me more and more sad sometimes, I wonder should I take my brain out or what. To stop thinking everything. My brother is going to take UPSR and my sister is going to take SPM also. And I'm going to take PMR also. T.T Feel getting more stress now. Want to get straight A but I scare I can't get. I'm having a bad mood and sad mood now. I wanna text him a message but I'm scared of he won't reply me. I have no one can talks to now. I wonder when the world will end? Will I have a friend that won't quarrel or fight with me forever? Even fight or quarrel, the person will never say don't want to friend with me. That is what I want, and for those who keep saying me 'berlagak, sombong' please get rid of my life. I don't really need this kind of friends.
幸好这几天我都不会闷，因为我都有人陪不会寂寞

Busy, tired, angry!

2009-12-25T22:53:00.009+08:00

I went to Jusco yesterday with my friends. Madei phoned me yesterday morning and I wanted to answer but my hand phone off suddenly. When I on back my hand phone, it off back. I was so angry with my hand phone. When I finished bath, I decided to go the phone shop and repair my hand phone. But the phone shop hadn't open yet. I was getting more and more angry at that time. When I back to home, I smash my hand phone but it didn't work at all. Then I told my mother about my hand phone thingy and she asked me went to Jusco's phone shop and asked to repair and how much is my hand phone costs if I want to trade in. I asked two phone shops and one of the shop's stuff told me that the higher price they give is RM 150. I feel unworthy with my hand phone. When I got back from Jusco, my mother brought me went to Krico and asked how much of my hand phone to trade in. They said if my hand phone isn't okay, it costs between Rm100 to RM 120, but if my hand phone is okay, it costs RM150. And my mother decided to buy a new hand phone for me also so my mother was planned to buy C510 Sony Ericsson for me. It costs around RM650. When I got back home, my father brought me go to a party and I was very very tired. I came back before 10p.m and I had nothing to do at home.
I was so bored at home today. I went to a wedding eve party just now. And it was kinda bored. Nothing to do at there. I need go there again tomorrow. I was busy this few days but I am free at home. Too tired d. Bye people. I will blog again tomorrow night. Good night people.

Complicated

2009-12-23T18:14:00.008+08:00

Everything is being more and more complicated. My friendship is getting more and more worse now. I went to tuition this morning, and quite have fun there.I was like laughing non-stop. I don't know why I feel all my laugh are fake. I realise something again. LOVE IS COMPLICATED. sometimes, love can make people become sweet, but sometimes, it can make people sad. It was too complicated. I don't know what can I do. I just want to ask G0d.
Do I deserve to live up till now?
Can you shorten my life?
Can you take my life away and return for two people's health?
Why don't you let them happy forever?
Why don't you let them have a good family that won't always nag them and scold them?
Why? Why? Why? Can you answer me all those question?
It was too complicated, even G0d also can't answer my question. How to help them? I have lost my way. I must force myself into a corner of a place. I don't care even I collapse down. God bless them. Let them be happy forever, won't get scold and nag by family. This is what I hope now.
wrote by puzhen.

Heart Break

2009-12-21T18:06:00.006+08:00

I felt my heart was breaking yesterday and amidst, I was quite sad at that time because I was hearing a song called Fa Ru Xue by Jay Chou. It's touching and nice. I love it's melody and lyrics. I listened to this song non-stop, repeat and repeat again. It's so nice. I felt my heart pain yesterday and I don't know what to do. I stopped everything that I'm doing.
Why we can't love a person without getting any hurt?
Why we should love a person secretly and never want to let the guy know that we like them?
Why don't you all tell me the truth?
Why you all wanna hide everything from me? Is it I can't let you all believe or trust me?
I really tired, I rather admit I'm lose. I also don't want be so suffer and you all don't need hide everything from me. When you feel want to tell me, you can just tell me but I don't hope you tell me the opening and never finish the ending. I don't hope this happen. If not...
Should I just give up to not know everything of yours?
Should I just pretending as I don't know you all sad or no mood?
Should I just release everything in my hand?
I don't know what can I do. I had lost my way.

Hate Her A Lot

2009-12-20T17:52:00.005+08:00

ATTENTION
Start from today, I just will treat my youngest sister good.but I won't treat my another younger sister as good as last time. I'll only hate her forever. Don't ever mention her in front of me again. wanna ask me fetch her to tuition, NO WAY! I can't do that. I wasn't addicted sitting in front of computers. Is I have nothing to do beside studying. You all parents only know how to nag, scold and beat you all own children, never know how to care a child well. Just know busying watching DVD and go out. Without this things, can't you all alive? Fine, I got to know something again and I learnt this from my parents. When people too bored, and always did something for a long time, we should scold or nag the people. I'm not emo, is my parents force me to be more and more emo. I feel that they won't treat me as good as last time. In their memory, I should not alive. I'm just invisible in their eyes. I won't talk to her from now. Want me to talk to her, I'll ask you all let me die first. Just know cry, cry is the smartest way in this world. 哭就能战胜一切

Fed Up With Everything

2009-12-15T19:39:00.006+08:00

I feel more and more tired nowadays. When I wanna do something, I'll feel very tired. Why my life so damn sucks. I rather take a thing to hit me on, and to wake up from the stupid, idiot dream. I had already know that the thing can't come true forever and ever, why don't I give up? I'm using a stupid, idiot, useless brain. Don't know what I'm thinking also.

I feel sad and moody today. Don't know why when she asked me go along her to look for someone time, I feel upset. The feelings like wanna kill me to hell. I really fed up with everything. I'll ask myself to not always texting with friends, I hope it won't get worst.

Christmas is just around the corner. I hope I can celebrate her birthday with her. I didn't see her for a long time, after this year I've a 10years friend. I feel happy when I know that I've a friendship that have already 10years. I miss all my friends but I miss ** also. I miss ** a lot of time today. I really don't understand what am I thinking. **brain sucks**

Don't Understand What My Mood Is

2009-12-15T01:00:00.004+08:00

My mood is getting worse every day. I wonder why my mood will drop every day. Sometimes I was too over happy, sometimes I was moody over. I don't know why my mood can't be balance. Yeah!! I'm going to go out with friends tomorrow, I'm going to see Hui Ching and Xiao Ying. Miss them a lot. They're my close friends forever and I ever had. GTG!! GOOD NITE!! I continue tomorrow.

I Had Learnt New Chapter

2009-12-13T22:27:00.013+08:00

I learned a new chapter today at my tuition. My teacher said don't too believe our best friends, they'll betray us one day. And don't tell all our own secrets to our best friends. When I heard this, I recall back everything. Why I so stupid? May be what my teacher said is true, but I want to believe myself never made wrong decision again. I want to believe them. I very scare to have such a friend like my ex-best friends now. I really very scare. I am bad at everything, good at nothing. I'm such a useless human. I'm wasting my time on the things that won't happen in my life. I went to my friend's house today and I saw the presents that Hui Ching and I gave her. I helped her did her things and I took down the photos of the presents, very nice.

My close friend forever

Hui Ching and I gave.

Hui Ching gave.

I love all those presents a lot. I miss you all. Wanna see back you all.

Mood Bad Again

2009-12-12T16:46:00.007+08:00

My mood kinda bad again nowadays. Should I just give up? I feel like nothing changes. Why don't you just shut up your mouth? I don't want to know anything. Everything is trying to make me recall back the incident that I should not start. I wanna try to forget everything but... I can't make it success. It's making people feel suffer and pain.